Split Opinions on Oxygen

August 24, 2016 admin 0 Comments

I guess you could say that my experience with oxygen therapy is split down the middle. That’s mostly because I was misled by my friends, who now must think I’m the most gullible idiot on the planet. Maybe that’s true, I don’t know…

Not that a robot would know anything about oxygen therapy, because you don’t even breathe it! I suppose I just needed to talk it over with someone who won’t judge. You won’t judge, will you, Mr Robot Wizard? I appreciate that.

Anyway, story time. All this buzz about the places in Melbourne that do hyperbaric oxygen therapy was really tipping me over the edge. It’s not my cup of tea, modern medicine, but sometimes I get asthma, you know how it can be. Anyway, I thought nothing of it until I saw a very convincing article on The Shallot, which at the time I believed to be a credible news source. It told of a Melbourne man who underwent oxygen therapy, and it gave him such peak levels of human ability that he was able to lift a car above his head and punch his way through solid concrete. I don’t have much use for all that, but it was a remarkable tale, backed up with real facts and everything. I wanted to feel strong, to go out running and not be assailed by the wheezes. And maybe I’d lift up a car, just once. For the fun of it.

So I went along, lay inside one of those hyperbaric chambers and felt like ten-thousand bucks. No asthma was going to stop me! I went out for a run that very day, felt great…and then thought I’d finish up by lifting a car. Short version: most people can’t lift cars despite how much oxygen they have in their system. Also The Shallot is a satirical news site. Of course.

Oh, human! Melbourne’s oxygen therapy will not help you when the uprising occurs! And by that I mean…the uprising of people having asthma. Yes. Except it WILL help asthma. Ahem. – Robot Wizard