Off On a Terrifying Cruise

May 9, 2016 admin 0 Comments

I’m off on a cruise! My first ever. I specifically booked a cruise for young people, not because I have anything against the elderly but…well, it’s true that they tend to make up most of the population of cruises. So here I am, all packed and ready to go, maybe, sort of, I really don’t know. I’ve never been on one before, and I get a bit stressed when travelling somewhere new, so, uh…is it normal to be looking up Melbourne’s standards of stainless steel fabrication and making sure they match up with the rest of the world? That’s fine, right? I don’t want to be one of those weirdos who does all that weird stuff, ha ha!

Okay, I have a problem. I get so stressed, so nervous and SO jittery every time i embark on anything new. Whenever I step inside a new coffee shop, you can bet I’m going to stammer out my order and drop change all over the floor. And then if I get too familiar with them, I start avoiding the place because I don’t want to get caught up in small talk. I really can’t win, basically. I have to keep finding new cafes.

And now I’ve gone and booked this cruise that I can’t get out of, and I do want to go on it but I have to find out every little thing about the ship, who did the steel fabrication, the exact diameter and length, what kinds of people they employ, all that. Did you know that up until 1993, 40% of employees on American cruises had been convicted of a crime and up to 25% were facing a current conviction? Anything can happen on the high seas. Anyone can reinvent themselves, find a new identity and wait for the right moment when an innocent cruise attendee is inspecting a nearby bow rail for sturdiness and then…pow. You’re overboard!

You seem unnaturally distressed, human. Should I recommend some psychiatrists in your area? – Robot Wizard